I’m sure many of you have heard the joke about finishing what you start:

A doctor on TV said that to have inner peace we should always finish things we start. I looked around my house to find things I’d started and hadn’t finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Gud avdice if you need inner piss.

I laughed so much when I read this.

Is finishing everything you start such good advice, though? Do you sometimes see things through just because you feel compelled to?

I look back over my life, and there are things I’ve finished because I really wanted to finish them. There are others that I finished in spite of NOT wanting to finish them. I’d made a commitment to someone else or to myself.

There are other things, however, that I’ve given up on, that I’ve stopped doing, and stopping them has brought such peace.

There are hundreds of quotes about not giving up, about staying strong, about keeping going through the dark times, and sometimes, that’s what you have to do. That’s what you really want or need to do. But there are also a lot of quotes about letting go and moving on.

When I was enrolled for a PhD in Education, I had a full time job and two children under three. I wanted to continue because I was the sort of person who always saw through the things I started. But even for someone as organised as I was, it was getting too much. Small children don’t allow you to be organised! I sat down with my supervisor and looked at all the options. He suggested I turn my PhD into an Honours Masters degree (you could do that back then) and if I wanted to do a doctorate later on, I could. I can still remember the sense of relief that swept over me, the almost physical sensation of the lifting of a burden, and the renewed enthusiasm as I prepared my work for submission. I knew in every fibre of my being, that I’d made the right choice.

Years later, I had to advise my youngest son. He was in year 11 and hated school. We fought constantly about schoolwork and homework and money. Bob and I were teachers at that time. We’d both been to Uni and valued education, but Alex was not like us. I realised that I couldn’t push him to continue something that was making him into a bitter, resentful young man. I asked him how he’d feel if he left school and got a job. He was elated. He wept with relief. He couldn’t believe that I’d even suggested it. He prepared a resume and started job hunting and was so enthusiastic that he managed to land a job in a shop in under a week. I told him that if he wanted to go back to school at any time, he could. But that way was not for him. He loved what he was doing and worked his way up to store manager before he moved on to other things. He and I both felt that sense of rightness to let go of things that were toxic to him.

Sometimes it’s not necessary to push yourself in directions that feel wrong. Sometimes you have to let go. It’s not “admitting defeat” in these cases, it’s freeing yourself of burdens, allowing yourself to move on in life.

Maybe at the beginning of this New Year, it’s time to take stock—to apply yourself with renewed enthusiasm to those things that feel positive in your life, and to let go those things that may have become burdens to you, so that you can move on with joy.

But how do I decide what to do?

The reasons to keep going with things needs to be related to their VALUE to you.

Some philosophers argue that there are two distinct types of value, intrinsic and instrumental. Although this is simplistic, it is a good yardstick by which to judge the value of a course of action.

Intrinsic value is value that something has to you directly. It could be something that you enjoy, or something that is fundamental to your life. If a thing has intrinsic value, there’s very little problem with continuing it. I love crafting and writing. I have no problem with continuing to do either of those, in fact I WANT to continue doing them.

So the things you need to make a decision about are those that may have instrumental value. These are things that, while not of value in themselves, may lead to getting the things you want or need. You may not enjoy them, but you can see the ultimate reward. You may not like going to the gym, for example, but the health benefits are why you go, so going to the gym has instrumental value.

So, examine the things that you’re doing in your life that are causing you stress. Do they have instrumental value? If they don’t, stop doing them, let go and move on.

If they do, ask yourself:

Is the end result worth the stress?

Is there another way to get that end result?

The answers to those questions will often clarify whether or not you should continue doing those things. Then you can make a clear decision as to whether to continue or whether to let go.

There are often bridges to cross and people who would hold you back or make you feel guilty for your decisions, but whatever your decisions are, it is YOU who has to live with them. Look after yourself, and you will be better able to look after others.

What do you think? Do you keep going no matter what?

This can be very hard.

I’d like to help you to make it easier.

Let me just say this, though: if the word “but” is anywhere near your apology, you are not sorry. You are trying for a win. You are trying to be right. “I’m sorry I upset you, but I didn’t mean to” is not a true apology.

Why?

Because you’re not accepting responsibility, and you haven’t let the matter go.

Some people are hard to apologise to, because they also like to use your apology as an opportunity to emphasise how wrong you were. You have to be emotionally strong to apologise to people like that.

When I say that you have to let the matter go, I don’t mean forgive and forget. I mean that you accept that you contributed to the situation and don’t have to fight to be right. Ask yourself,

“Which is more valuable? The idea of being right, or the relationship?”

Ways of saying sorry

There are many ways of saying sorry. Some are more appropriate to some situations than others. Some will fit with some people more than others. You can use more than one and select the ones that will mean the most to the person to whom you are apologising. It can always help to sit with someone and make eye contact.

1. You can simply say what you mean, but this is hard and may sound rehearsed.
2. Write a note that expresses your feelings. The person can read the note several times, and this reinforces the sincerity of the apology. (There are ideas for what to say later on.)
3. Write a note with five reasons why the person is important to you.
4. A small, meaningful gift along with the apology will sometimes make the person feel special.
5. A hug. It’s harder to stay cross with someone if they are hugging you.

The different parts of saying sorry (and meaning it)

Express regret

• I’m sorry I spoke harshly
• I know I’ve hurt your feelings and I’m so sorry for that
• I’m sorry my reaction hurt you
• I’m so sorry I spoke harshly and reacted the way I did
• I’m deeply sorry my reaction pushed your buttons

Accept responsibility wholeheartedly

Say what you did wrong, and accept your responsibility

• I was wrong to speak to you in that tone. I shouldn’t have reacted like that
• I keep losing my temper and I know that’s not right
• I felt afraid and didn’t know what to say next
• I felt defensive and acted that way
• I felt overwhelmed by my feelings
• I didn’t do well attempting to understand you
• I was angry with you and raised my voice
• I was too focussed on being right and didn’t listen to you
• I chose the wrong words, which made the situation worse
• I hear you when you say my actions or words hurt you, and I’m sorry for hurting you

Make restitution

If you know what will make it up to them, do it. If not, say something like:

• I can’t believe I reacted that way. Please tell me what I can do to make it up to you
• I’m not just sorry. I want to do better next time
• I understand you might not be ready to talk, so know how important this is to me to resolve, and please let me know when you feel better and can guide me to a better place with you

Express your wish to change your behaviour

• I don’t want to repeat this. Can you think of anything that could help make sure this doesn’t happen?
• Even though I was angry, what I really want is to connect with you
• I love you / you are my friend / you are valuable to me / and I want to find a way to move past this

Ask for forgiveness

• I know this has hurt you. Will you please forgive me?

If you are writing these in a card or a note, you can pick and choose the phrases, and put them together to fit the situation. Use words that sound like you.

If you’ve found good ways to express any of these parts of an apology, let me know. Do you have anything to add that could help?

1. Learn to say no. This means that you have more time to do the things you really want to do.
2. Laugh. Everyone knows the health benefits of laughter. It lowers stress and has been shown to improve your immune system. It’s also cheap and easy.
3. Reduce overwhelm. Take a few minutes at the beginning of each day to decide on your priorities. Set your schedule for the day. Write down your to-do list on paper, and tick it off as you complete each task. If it is down on paper, it isn’t overwhelming your brain.
4. Stay positive. Adopt a “Can do” attitude. Focus on what you will do. Never say “I can’t do that.” Rather say, “I can’t do that yet,” or, “I’ll have to learn how to do that.”
5. Delegate tasks. Don’t feel that you have to do everything yourself.
6. Ask for what you need. From whomever you need it—your boss, your doctor, your partner, your mum. Let people know you need help. If you are someone who doesn’t like to ask for help, try to ask for help with at least one thing every day, no matter how small that may be.
7. Do something physical. Stretch, walk, move every hour. Make time to walk on the beach or in a forest or in the botanical gardens. Breathe in nature. Take the dog for a walk.
8. Get out of your familiar environment. Go out into the sunshine. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage, but maybe just sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you. Or, if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.
9. Focus on your health. Focus on the parts that might need improving—sleeping, eating, drinking plenty of water,
10. Relax. Take down-time for yourself. Read, watch TV, see a movie, spend time with friends.

Bonus tip:

11. Create something—paint, write, sew, crochet, knit, do woodwork, colour in, do some gardening, try your hand at things you used to enjoy.

It first appeared in Yarn Magazine, the magazine that I now edit (from the December issue onwards.)

The Wedding Blankets

It’s summer again. Nan used to love summer. I have this indelible memory of her knitting or crocheting in her beach chair as she watched us play. Now, on this beautiful summer day, I have come to say goodbye.

She used to say she was ‘beleaguered by boys’. She had three boys of her own, and my cousins and I—all her grandchildren— are all boys. We grew up in a crazy, male dominated mayhem. Our mothers were the eager recipients of Nan’s passion for yarn—comforters and cushions and cardigans for every birthday and Christmas. Her sons and grandsons (and the local homeless shelter) were overwhelmed by beanies and scarves and jumpers. I always treasured mine.

Nan never wasted any yarn. Maybe the practice came from the days when she was growing up during the Second World War. So, in our family, we passed our knitted jumpers down from brother to cousin, and then returned them to Nan, and she would unravel the yarn and save the good parts. While my brothers and cousins played football in the back yard, I loved to sit at her feet, listen to her stories, and help her wind the yarn into balls to use again. She even taught me to knit and to crochet—skills I rarely advertised, because they drew such cruel taunts, but ones I still indulge in as a form of relaxation. However, she never allowed anyone, even me, to watch her crochet her pièces de résistance—her wedding blankets. They were her secrets until she revealed them to the world.

I have seen all eight that she has made, and they are all extraordinary. They are riotous celebrations of colour and texture, generous enough to drape across a bed and down to the floor on every side. Her artistry expressed itself in the use of colour, and in beautiful design elements in the centre. These reflected the personality of the daughter-in-law or granddaughter-in-law for whom they were made.

The blanket she made for Mum still has pride of place on Mum’s bed, even after all these years. It’s a potpourri of blues, with a centrepiece of waves and sky and summer sunshine. Mum loves the Australian beach in summer, and she says the crocheted blanket reminds her of the carefree days of her youth, of the beach where she met Dad. The centre of my Aunt Lisa’s green quilt has 3D leaves and plants twisting around each other. Aunt Lisa loves to grow things (including some not-so-legal things which we discovered as teenagers one holiday.) Auntie Jo’s centrepiece is a complex pattern of roses in purples and lilacs—her favourite flowers in her favourite colour.

One by one, my cousins and brothers fell in love and married. And Nan, frailer and frailer at each wedding, proudly gave each bride a white box containing their wedding blanket. I held my breath when each of the girls opened the boxes. Each blanket was a work of art, an heirloom, crafted with love for the woman who would make Nan’s grandson happy.

But as I stand here, tears streaming down my face, grateful for the wonderful times Nan and I shared, I feel desolate that she won’t be there at my wedding. I won’t be able to see her smile of anticipation as she hands a white box to my partner.

Of course she knew him. She and I have loved Tony for nine years. She once told him that she loved him best, because he was the one who made me happy, and I was her favourite grandson. It was Tony who held me when I received the phone call about her death. It’s Tony who’s holding me now. I would have married him years ago, but this is Australia. Even if they change the law so we can get married tomorrow, it’s too late for Nan.

We are the last to leave the graveside. I don’t want to say goodbye, but Tony’s arm tightens around me and I know it’s time. I love you, Nan.

Back at Dad’s place, we celebrate the life of a woman we all loved with stories and photographs and her favourite cider. And we’re all wearing something that she made for us. Tony and I have matching scarves and beanies, which are totally inappropriate in the summer heat, but that doesn’t matter.

I watch as Dad takes Tony aside, and I wonder what he’s saying to him. Tony nods to Dad, then takes my hand and leads me to Dad’s study.

There, on the table, is a white box.

I didn’t think I could cry any more, but I can. I do. Tony opens the box, and reverently unfolds a beautiful blanket in countless shades of yellow, Tony’s favourite colour, and in the centre—he smiles through his tears as he reveals it—the rainbow flag.

No, Nan won’t be at our wedding, but her love, her joy and her memory will always be in our hearts.

Some clients are just no good for you.

When you start a business, you take everybody who comes. You don’t vet them in any way—you’re just grateful for the work that they give you. You need to earn money and any project or client is better than none.

However, sooner or later you come to realise that some of your clients are just no good for you. They’re no good for your peace of mind, no good for your reputation, and they cause more stress than their money is worth.

There comes a time when you seriously have to consider dropping your client—and that’s not an easy decision to make. Nor is it an easy thing to do. However, you are in control of the situation, not them, and sometimes you simply have to move on.

How do you know when it’s time to drop a client?

1. Any client you work with should treat you with respect. If you respect someone you don’t need to like them in order to have a successful working relationship. It can even be a benefit. However, there is no excuse for a client treating you badly. If a client is disrespectful, overly critical of your work or rude, then it’s time to cut your losses.

3. If you don’t enjoy the work anymore it may be time to say no. If you’re not excited when you get an initial enquiry, consider turning the work down. Most businesses grow through word-of-mouth and through reputation. So it’s important to fill your portfolio with the kind of work that you want to be known for and that you’d like to be offered in the future.

How do you turn down work?

1. Listen to their idea  

Be certain that you’re not going to accept their project. There may be a possibility—however remote—that their project will turn out to be one that you want to take on, and it would be a shame to miss out just because you didn’t listen to them.

2. Use an e-mail template

If you would like me to send you the email template for politely turning down a client, or for getting rid of an existing client, please contact me at rie@thewriteimpression.com.au and I will send it to you.

3. Offer them an alternative

If I don’t want to take on a client because I’m too busy or because I don’t want to do that particular type of work, I pass them on to somebody who I know will be happy to do the work. It may seem counterintuitive to recommend your competitors, but it won’t do your professional reputation any harm, and it may even enhance it.

If the client comes back to you after contacting other people, be gracious to them. They obviously chose you for a reason and maybe they feel that nobody else will satisfy them. However, don’t feel that you need to take on the job, even then.

4. Increase your price

One solution I use is: If I’m not sure that what the client is asking me to do is what I want to be involved in, I double my price. I ask for a fee that is commensurate with the stress that goes along with the job. That way, if they still want to work with me, even if I’m not enjoying what I am doing at least I know that I am a being paid well for it.

What do you think? Have you ever turned down a client, or considered it?

These last few weeks have been hectic. I’ve been preparing for our Spinners and Weavers annual exhibition and sale, and also for our trip overseas. I wanted to clear a lot of my writing work before I go—and I’ve had less time to do it. And what of the housework? A well-meaning friend said that I should get Bob to help me with that, since he is retired. I smiled and shook my head.

“Bob doesn’t help me,” I said, “and I don’t want him to help me.”

Let me explain before everyone gets too upset.

Bob doesn’t help with the tidying up. He tidies, yes, but it’s his house, too, and he wants it to be tidy. He doesn’t help with the shopping. He does the shopping because he eats the food that he buys, just as I do. He doesn’t help with the washing. He does the washing and hangs it up and puts it away because they’re his clothes, too, and he wants them to be clean.

Bob has been that way most of his life. When the children were younger, he didn’t help me with them. He played with them and read to them and drove them to activities and bathed them. He listened to their joyful and sad moments and, like me, he tried to give them what they needed to be independent, happy people. He did this for our children because they were his children, too, and he was always the best dad that he could be.

If I said that he helped me, I’d be saying that the job was mine to do. Too many women subconsciously accept that and take on the responsibility and the frustration and the overwhelm of everything that goes with running a home and bringing up children. When we were younger he would offer to do things “for me”. “I’ll hang out the clothes for you”, he’d say. I would point out that he wasn’t actually doing it for me. He’d laugh and accept my point. I refused to own the tasks, even if I was often the one who did them—and now I’m glad I did.

Now, because I’m still working, Bob does more in the house than he’s ever done before. He makes breakfast, stacks the dishwasher, does most of the washing, nearly all of the shopping, and if I mention that I intend to do something—such as the vacuuming or watering the plants—I’ll often come home to find that it’s been done.

So Bob absolutely does contribute to the daily tasks that go with having a home together. But no, in the sense that my friend meant it, he doesn’t help me.

How does it work in your home?

Experimenting isn’t something I usually enjoy, but sometimes you just have to go against everything that you’ve learned and experience something new! I’m an organiser. I enjoy planning and I enjoy taking steps one by one towards an endpoint. But that’s not what I’ve been doing this month in my studio.

I’ve been experimenting with natural dyes, and I’ve been having enormous fun using eucalyptus leaves, dandelion leaves, onion skins and other natural dyes. Some experiments have been eye opening, others have been rather disappointing. But isn’t that the way with life—you can never tell! I’ve also been painting with dye onto felt to see what effects I can create. If any of my experiments turn out well, I’ll be taking them to the spinners and weavers exhibition in June.

The difference between my usual way of doing things, and the dyeing, is that with the experimenting mindset I don’t really have any clear plans or definite goals that I want to achieve. The whole idea is playing and experimenting and seeing what happens.

It’s the opposite when I teach writing. I teach how to plan very carefully, and then follow that plan to achieve your goal.

Both experimentation and planning approaches are valid, but there is also a “middle ground” approach of emergent strategy.

Experimentation, Planning and Emergent Strategy

When you approach a new venture there are two traditional approaches. You can approach it through either experimentation or planning. In the past, in business or in writing, I’ve argued that planning was definitely the way to go. But there are advantages to the experimentation mode of thought. I’ve many writing friends who enjoy going down the experimentation route, even though it means a lot of rewriting for a second draft.

However, there’s a third approach—a middle approach—that may be more appropriate in many situations.

In the planning mindset these are the things that we believe:

1. We know where we want to go
2. We need a plan to get there
3. We make a plan
4. We base it on historical facts and past successes
5. We execute the plan
6. We evaluate the plan
7. We avoid failure
8. We avoid uncertainty
9. We incorporate detail
10. Our numbers are based on assumptions

In the experimentation mindset the beliefs are different:

1. We start, not knowing where we want to go
2. We need value propositions rather than plans
3. We place an emphasis on development
4. We experiment and we learn
5. We get the facts and insights from experiments
6. We feed back our discoveries into new learnings
7. We embrace our failures and try to improve
8. Uncertainty is acknowledged, and then reduced by experimentation
9. The details change depending on evidence from experimentation
10. Our numbers are evidence-based

So, is one method better than the other?

I know from past experience that in some instances experimentation works, and in some instances planning is paramount.

Every business is different. Every person is different.

Take holidays for example. Some people enjoy the freedom of going on holiday and not knowing what they will do from day to day. Some people enjoy planning down to the last detail. For the first sort of person an unforseen event is not a disaster. There were no plans in the first place. For the second type of person such an event could ruin a holiday.

So maybe somewhere in between those two approaches would work best.

These days with technology failing all the time, it’s really important to be prepared to make changes at the last minute and to develop options and explore possibilities. That way, when disruption does arrive you’re ready with alternatives.

This approach is often referred to as emergent strategy.

The planner asks: what do we want to achieve?

The experimenter asks: what can we achieve?

The emergent strategist asks: what can we achieve with the resources that are at our fingertips at any given moment?

Emergent strategy seems to incorporate the good things about both planning and experimentation. The emergent strategists put some plans in place but are flexible enough to change them if circumstances demand. They free up their thinking to incorporate possibilities.

When you’re writing, this would include allowing space for change if you get a good idea as you’re going. You’re not locked into using your original plan if, all of a sudden, you get a brilliant intuition or learn a new fact that will take you in a different direction. At this point, you re-evaluate the remainder of the plan and take things along a different path if necessary—usually towards the same goal.

Emergent strategy is not strategy by prediction or strategy by discovery; it’s a flexible middle road.

I’ve decided that I should stop being one of those people who plan constantly and rely on those plans absolutely. I need to take more leaves from the emergent strategist’s book. Do you?

For a few seconds, it all seemed too hard. I had five articles to write last week, none of which I’d started, and it was clear that I should fly down to Melbourne and spend some time with Dad. He’d just come out of hospital, and Mum had her cataract surgery scheduled, and both my sisters were busy. I KNEW I had to fly down, but it would have been really easy to say I was too busy.

Years ago, I learned how not to be overwhelmed, and almost immediately, I put my coping mechanisms into play.

I pulled up my calendar, had a good look, and began to make notes. I always find it helps to write things down. Each article could be broken down into smaller chunks—notes, first draft, second draft, checking—and these smaller chunks could be done on planes and buses, and in the evening after my parents were in bed. The meetings could be rescheduled to this week—and the one that couldn’t, well, I gave the client a call and explained the situation. With a little negotiation, we agreed to use Skype in the evening.

I visited with my parents, spent time with them and was able to help at a time when they needed me to help. I used several useful coping strategies to deal with the pressures of my job and my immediate family situation.

Coping strategies

Coping strategies fall into two main groups: active and avoidant.

Many coping strategies suggest that you take your mind off the stressors (avoid them). These ways of coping include watching a funny TV show, relaxing, going to the gym, etc.

The coping strategies that I use are all active. I research, take notes, make lists and then I act. Facing the issues is my preferred way of coping.

This type of coping mechanism is often referred to as active problem solving. I try to see the problem as a challenge, rather than something that causes me stress. This is not always possible, but I like to try.

It’s useful to divide the problem solving into sections.

Identifying the problem

I turn to a new page of my pad and write down what the problem is.

• I have to do all my listed jobs within a time frame that my clients are happy with AND I have to travel to Melbourne and spend time with my parents, on a fairly limited budget and within a defined time frame.

Structuring the problem

I develop a clear picture of the problem. I write down all the parts of the problem and the parameters. I prioritise tasks into

• Must be done
• Can be rescheduled (if possible)
• Can be cancelled

As I list a task, I schedule a time to do it.

• Let Bob know about the situation, and make sure he’s on board with the decision to go to Melbourne.
• Research flights/trains/buses
• Let Mum know I’m coming
• Add money to my opal card
• Pack my case for Melbourne
• Put my daily tablets into ziplock bags and put them into my handbag
• Back up my computer
• Contact Lydia re our meeting
• Contact Sandra re our meeting
• Contact John re our meeting
• Split writing tasks and reschedule
• Etc…

Looking for possible solutions

This stage is all about fact finding. I look at all the courses of action, and find out the information about each (time, cost, etc)

• I compare trains, buses and flights with the different airlines, look at the time frames and costs, look at each job which is coming up and gauge whether my clients will mind about deadlines.
• I phone clients to see if they will reschedule meetings or hold them on Skype instead of in person.

I do whatever it takes in order to get all the necessary information.

Making a decision

I analyse all the possible courses of action and decide which will work best. This involves time constraints, budget, and any other personal issues which could affect the decision. But in the end there has to be a best solution—even if it isn’t perfect.

Implementation

I make a list of the steps I have to take, sort the steps into the order I should do them, and schedule them.

The final part of solving the problem is to go ahead and do each task.

• I book the selected method of travel, let everyone know, and then—just do it!

How do you go about solving problems and coping with stress?

Until next time,

Write well, write with passion, and use all your writing for good.

My eldest son, Taras, gave me the idea last year and I have wanted to do this since then—but I never “found the time.” Time is one of the hardest things to find for busy people, those who work for themselves or for others, whether that work is paid or not. But downtime, relaxation, time for yourself, time to do the things you want to do, is just as important for happiness and productivity as any other use of time.

Last year I had to be really efficient and effective. I was working up to 60 hours a week, and juggling lots of balls in the air. I tried all sorts of ways to make myself more efficient, to free up some time for myself, then found that I filled those extra hours with MORE WORK!

No wonder I felt exhausted when my contract came to an end.

This year I promised myself that I would spend more time on me—on relaxing.

Okay, so I still feel guilty when I sit around “just reading” or “just watching TV.” I have to knit or sew while watching TV. I have to take my kindle to the gym. But at least both those simultaneous activities are not work!

Many studies agree that for optimal productivity you really do need a good work/life balance. These days I write or do other work in the morning, then, if I don’t have meetings, I try to get into my studio and do some creative work in the afternoon. In the evening, it’s time for gym, relaxing and reading. I admit, I can’t always keep to that, but I try.

Putting downtime into your schedule

To some people it would seem counter-intuitive to schedule time to relax, but if you’re anything like me, it’s a necessity. If I don’t schedule my non-work time, I find myself filling it with work.

You may only need an hour or so to unwind, to refresh yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. You may need more. Everyone is different. But everyone needs SOME time to relax.

I set a reminder alarm before I start on my computer so that my body doesn’t suffer. If I don’t, then I can easily get caught up in writing, and when I finally stop for a break I can’t believe how much time has passed. I’ve missed meals and have forgotten to get up from the computer.

Downtime should be DOWN time

Some days, when I try to relax, my brain is still trying to grapple with the problems of my job. If I’m caught up with my characters in my latest writing project, or I’m solving structural problems for someone else’s book, I find it hard to switch off.

I find I have to set rules for what I can and can’t do when I’m trying to relax. Reading is okay, as long as it’s for pleasure. I’m allowed to use the computer for fun, but not for research.

I know I don’t get outside (or even out of the house) enough, so anything (except meetings) that takes me out of the house is good.

Even though my children don’t need me as much these days, family time is still important, and I set aside one evening a week for date night. Even if the “date” only lasts a couple of hours, it’s important to reconnect with those you love. If your children are still at home, family time is even more important.

Downtime isn’t wasted time

One of the most important lessons I had to teach myself is that relaxation time isn’t wasted time. Relaxation refreshes the mind so you’re ready to go again. Downtime is important for your productivity and well being.

How much downtime do you need?

For one week, keep a record of what you did each day. How many hours did you spend working? How many hours eating? How many hours with the family? How many hours relaxing?

For the next week PLAN your time. Commit it to paper (or digital record). Schedule in your work, family and downtime. Okay, so it won’t always work out the way you planned, but it’s a start.

At the end of the week, ask yourself if you felt more productive or less productive?

If you didn’t stick to your plans, ask yourself why not—and maybe read up a bit on self-discipline!

The way you use your downtime isn’t important. What is important for your own happiness, your own well-being and ultimately your productivity, is that you take some time for relaxation. It’s NOT time wasted.

How do you make sure you have enough downtime?

Rie’s Stress-free Writing System

Do you find writing stressful?

“I want to write a blog but when I sit down to do it, I can’t start.”

“Whenever I write something, I find myself going off the topic.”

“My first draft is so bad, I don’t even want to show anyone.”

So many problems with writing—but it doesn’t have to be stressful. Writing is like most things in life. You can jump in haphazardly, or you can work with a system. Once you have that system in place, you can achieve a much more satisfactory result.

You might think that, as writing is my job, I find writing easy. It isn’t. But it certainly would be much harder if I didn’t have a system in place.

Writing anything without any stress.

To make sure that writing is not stressful, I find that it’s necessary to have a plan.

1. Prepare

I need to set aside time for writing, to make sure I won’t be interrupted. One hour on two successive days is usually enough. On the first day, I plan the blog so I am ready to write. On the second day I write the blog and check it over.

I used to write my blogs all on the same day, but I found I was mentally exhausted by the end of two intensive hours. Two separate hours is less tiring, and it’s easier to find time when I won’t get interrupted.

First Day:

2. Plan

By this stage I know the general area that I will write about, and I give the blog post a working title.

I make a list of all the topics I want to cover, then I put them into the order that I want to cover them.

I look at each one and decide what points I want to make under each topic.

I write down a list of keywords and key phrases that people who might want to read the post could use in a search engine.

3. Research

If there’s anything I’m not sure about, I research it at this stage so when I sit down to write the blog post, I’m ready with all the information I need.

Second Day:

4. Write the first draft

I simply write whatever comes into my head when I think about each point. Recently, I’ve been using a dictation program more and more often. This way, the information gets put down on paper as quickly as possible, following my list. Then I write a conclusion, and lastly, an introduction.

5. Write the second draft

This is similar to a major edit. I read over my first draft and make any changes I need to make. By the end of the second draft, the blog post is in pretty good shape. I check that I’ve covered all my points. I make sure that I’ve included the key words and phrases. Then I brainstorm names for the post and pick one that I think will be good.

6. Edit and proofread

This is a very important step. If I make any errors, especially since I’m supposed to be a writing ‘guru’, I would look pretty silly. After that, I usually read the blog post aloud to see how it sounds, make any changes, then give it to my husband for a final proofread. It’s important to have someone else cast their eyes over it, because your brain is never
the best at picking up your own mistakes. Before I publish it, I read it through once more.

I put it on my website and send it in a link to my newsletter list. I then link to the post on facebook, twitter and Linked In.

That’s my system.

Remember that if any of these steps gives you any stress—outsource them! Let someone else have the stress of planning or researching or writing or rewriting or editing or even doing the whole thing!

Do you have any suggestions that could make it even more efficient?